Baby number two will make an appearance in May! We are so very excited! (And you’re welcome for a picture of something I peed on.)

Last night, I had a few moments alone in the early evening. Everly was fast asleep, Jon was watching TV with his dad, and I found myself laying in bed listening to the quiet hum of the fan. I figured I could catch up on some of my favorite blogs, or perhaps read a chapter or two of my most recent library book, or maybe, I could call it a day and fall asleep early.

I chose to do some blog reading. Doing so led me here.

If you followed that link, you would find a heart felt post about a woman on a mission to being the friend she would like to be. If not, I certainly suggest you do. And bring a tissue.

It had me thinking.

It had me thinking of the many many women in my life and how truly grateful I am to have each and every one of them. I picked out favorite memories from my mental box, recapturing how I felt with each one, and wanted to immediately get on the phone and express my love. I held back. Not because I am ashamed, or because I would be embarrassed, I would certainly choke up and flush the mere second I made the first call, but more because I wanted to share my feelings with more than just those women. I wanted to share them with you.

There is something about having a daughter that puts woman/woman relationships into perspective. Ladies, we can be very very brutal to one another. This comes from experience. I have been brutal. I have said words out of my mouth that if heard, would literally slice open one’s skin and burn to the very core. I am not proud. I am absolutely positive the same has been done to me from other women…and that hurts.

This morning I took Everly to the library, a usual Wednesday morning date. I scooped up a book from the new arrival cart and we hurried to the kids section where Everly busied herself with a puzzle. I sat down on the green chair, watching the Arizona sun pour in through the giant window and took in the moment.  When I looked up to check on my girl, she was at the car table, mesmerized by the sweet, older girl there. I watched them interact, the girl asking Ev if she wanted to play. The zealous mom inside of me wanted to jump up and narrate the whole scene for Ev, but I just sat back and watched what would happen if I didn’t. “Come over to this table! We can play with the cars here!” the girl squealed. Everly’s face lit up as she followed her. “Bring a car with you!” But Everly just stood there. Do I get up and get her one? No. Be cool, she’s got this.  And she totally did. “Here, I’ll get you one. Hold on!” The girl quickly ran over and was back at Ev’s side in no time, blue truck in hand. “Tank you” said Ev. I died. Then and there. 

I began reading again, listening every so often so Everly and her new friend and was instantly drawn to how sweet and caring this girl was. I had seen her mother over at the computers and heard her give a warning of 5 minutes before they were leaving. The kid inside of me frowned a bit, I was so happy to see someone being so kind to my girl, I wanted them to play for a long time. Before her mother said anything else, I watched her pack her bags up, grab her younger daughter and stand up. I immediately got up and went to her. “Hi, Im Katherine. I just wanted to tell you that you have a very sweet daughter and she was very kind to mine. Its so nice to see when kids can get along. She seems like a very good kid.”

She glowed. Radiated with pride. Just like she should.

“Thank you! How old is your little one?” We continued with small talk, I learned that Everly’s new friend is 4 and a half. The little baby in the car seat was 8 months. I felt the need to tell her and praise her daughter because, well, I don’t think any of us do that enough. Too often we are judging others from across the room, or even more often from our own computer screens. Facebook, blogs, Twitter–all outlets for our terrible and judgmental ways. There needs to be more praise. More “thank you”s, more love.

Here’s the part where I start a revelation from my keyboard.

Just kidding.

On any given day, you could ask me how many friends I have and you would be returned with a small number. While I have many people in my life, all of whom I love, I have a handful of friends that have made a large impact on me. But since I am a woman, I have the primal need to feel loved and accepted by other women. I love finding a true connection to another woman and sharing moments together. I’m sort of the “insta-friend” type, where I just know who to hold onto and who to let go. Not in a mean way, but the people I love most are the ones that have seen the vulnerable side of me. Who have heard my cries, seen me on my darkest days, and who have picked me up, and carried me through. For these women, I am eternally grateful. But there are few things in life that feel as good as finding someone you can totally relate to, to trust, to confide in, to share laughter with…it’s frickin’ radical. (hey, outdated slang. I love you and your ability to wrap up just what I want to express.)

Almost daily, I have regular conversations, granted they are mostly texts, that get me through my day. Exchanging snarky, sarcastic jokes and pictures. Today, for example, I checked out a copy of “NOW Thats What I Call The 1990s” (be jealous. seriously.) and immediately snapped a pic and sent it over to 2 of my ladies whom I know would appreciate it. (Hello, you two gorgeous girls.) I got virtual high fives within seconds and and instant smile across my face. At the same time I was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for Everly. Life is often glamourous, I’ll tell you. But in the midst of my daily routine, having quick messages between my friends really and truly makes my day. I am far away from several of them, finding myself wishing for some face time, but knowing that they are there when I need them makes my life more meaningful. I am doing my best to be a good friend to them, to really listen when I am spoken to, and to love them entirely, exactly how they are.

You know what else is great? When friends come to you in their darkest days. Nothing says “I love you” more than trusting someone with your own hard times. When I get a call from someone who is crying, who wants to find comfort in me and my words, that right there, is a true friend. When they don’t hold back, when they say exactly how they are feeling and together, we cry and agree that life can totally kick our asses somedays. Because it’s true. If we were meant to face it alone, we wouldn’t be surrounded by people. We are meant to find ourselves in other people. We are supposed to see flecks of each other, in each other. And I love finding myself in other woman. (thats what she said.) (you’re welcome.)

Back to the whole “There is something about having a daughter that puts woman/woman relationships into perspective” thing.

I have seen the damages of bullying. I have seen cases in my family, I know what it’s like to be bullied, to be laughed at, to have fingers pointed. I know what it is like to point a finger and laugh.

I know that my mom raised me better than to do so. That my grandmothers have instilled in me their wisdom on being kind. How my aunts have talked to me like a grown up when I was a teen, and told me how to treat people. How all the women in my life have taught me better. Even today, I retreat back to their words and I try my best to be a better woman so that my daughter can see me try, fail, and try again. To model what I want to see her do someday. To inspire her to be a good woman. 

She does, in fact, deserve the world.

I want to make a little shout out to the women in my life. To my mama, to my women relatives, to my friends of many years. To the new friendships that are budding, to the ones whom I am building from damaged ground, to the mothers everywhere, and the ones who will be someday. You will find you may need friends more than ever when you become a mother. There is nothing like shaking your soul to the core and having someone say “I know exactly what you are feeling”.

I love you all.

What been happenin’ lately you ask? Well, for starters, we have been super busy. Spending days with family or out in the sun, tending to the chickens who are growing ever so fast, TURNING 24 (happy bday to me!), heading up north for a wonderful family get together/celebration, running around with my tiny lady, taking pics on my new camera from the husband (he’s super) and generally just soakin’ up this thing called life.

Everly is such a ‘kid’ now and is shedding her baby skin too fast! For example, I’ll kiss the kid until the cows come home but if she wants her space she’ll simply tell me “no toucheen, mama!” and push me away. Sad face. Luckily, though, she is still such a snuggly girl at night and I get lots of love before bed.

Arizona weather is awesome. Monsoons often, and sunny during the day. You may think Im insane, but I wouldn’t trade the 100+ temps for anything. It never EVER gets old to see the sun shining every day. Its just what I need.

awesome storm cloud over our house!

Last night we went out on the lake (again!) and as I held Everly close to my heart, shading her eyes and smelling her sun- lotioned, warm skin, I wondered if she would remember this moment some day. Doubtfully, Im sure…she is still tiny, but something in me wished so hard for her to take a mental picture. It was a perfect summer evening.

So please, dont give up on us. I know its lame how far out my posts are spread, but we are still here, still hangin! and still lovin this thing called life.

what I found after leaving Ev alone in my room for a minute!

disclosure: this post is brought to you by breakfast time, where i can temporarily confine my kid and write. also, its going to e all over the place. now back to your scheduled programming.

Lately, we’ve been running around with our silly girl. She is cracking us up on the regular. Here are a few examples of things she says:

watto (waffle), menin (melon), cue me mama! (excuse me, mama), bwetch ewe (bless you), oh mah deedee! (oh my goodness!), ohhh no!, no moe wipe (when she’s done getting cleaned up from meals), dipah (diaper), howahya (how are ya?), pot-si-tow (popsicle), eye teem (ice cream)

Just to name a few. Tuesday night, Jon, his dad and I (Ev too, obv.) packed up as soon as Jon got home from work and hit the lake. it was incredible. A little nerve wracking (on my part, duh) but so worth it. Everly stayed up WAY past her bed time but had a total blast. We rode through the lake, found a shady cove and anchored down. Complete with a pink and yellow life jacket, Miss Everly enjoyed the cool water and we even had a few duck friends float by! Of course Everly wanted to share her pretzels with them–along with anything else she could find to throw over. ::facepalm:: During the ride back to the dock, the sun well below the mountain line giving the sky the most perfect blush pink color, I couldn’t help but drink in everything that was happening. My husband’s wavy hair blowing in the warm breeze, how his skin was dry only moments from getting out of the water. I held a very sleepy girl in my arms who was calmed by the boats engine sounds as it parted frothy wake behind us. Her gold skin smelling of sunscreen and her sticky hands from juicy watermelon-a perfect summer dinner. Moments like those are what I have been waiting for. Impromptu, totally unplanned summer nights spent with those I love, tossing bedtimes and vegetables out the window.

*****

Yesterday, Ev and I ventured out for the day to my cousin’s house. She lives a ways away but I’ve been yearning for some girl time. I packed our bag for the day and accepted she may not nap at all. During our stay, we laughed, had a tasty lunch, played with a newborn puppy, tried on clothes and shoes, generally just hung out–just what I needed. I decided to attempt putting Everly down for a nap on a regular bed with zero nap time equipment (kitty, blankets, stories) and after two or three times of reminding her to lay down and go night night, she totally surprised me and fell asleep! Something I thought would never happen! I’ve come to realize that kids are not as stubborn as parents, and the hesitations that are usually present are on the parents end. Im trying to take my own advice and (within limits) try to be more relaxed. My kid surprises me with things like napping in a foreign place and Im reminded that she indeed will mold to her surroundings. I need to chill.

******

Oh, did I mention we got chickens?

Yeah. That.

A short time after we moved, Jon’s dad and I joked that we were going to get some chickens…something Jon has always rolled his eyes at when I’d exclaim “I want my very own hens for fresh eggs!”. Well, one afternoon I go outside to see that my carpenter father-in-law had indeed built a coop and it was really happening! I was like a kid in a candy store.

A few days passed, I did some research on just what kind of hens I wanted (blue and brown egg producing, only!) we went to a feed store and they had month old chicks available. We scooped up four, two Americuanas (blue eggs) and two Barred Plymouth Rocks (brown eggs) along with feed supplies and such and brought them to their new home. I LOVE them. They are growing so fast and getting their proper feathers, making them a little more chicken like, rather than naked little rascals! HA!

Their names you ask? Talullah, Maybelline, Clementine and Henrietta.

no, they will not be used for killing. only their eggs.

*****

OH, before I go. One more thing Everly has been doing: mom? Mom? MOM? MOM!! (replace with Dad and Bop (short for Bapa)) when she wants something and we’re not in the room…or perhaps when we are int he room but our attention is not DIRECTLY on her? OR PERHAPS when we’re riding in the car and she drops something and I happen to be on a major interstate and cant focus entirely on her. Yeah. Didn’t think I’d hear anything like this until she was at LEAST 5.

Oh my.

my little traveling buddy on our way for a girls weekend.

In honor of our recent girl’s getaway this past week (which warrants its own post, so stay tuned.) I wanted to write about my experience with traveling with my girl.

When I look back at these past (almost) twenty months (holy crap!), we have done some serious traveling. Let me show you:

January 2010 Everly was 2 months old. Her and I flew to Arizona for a general “Meet Everly!” visit for a week.

July 2010 Everly (9mo), we took a family vacay to upstate New York to my Uncle’s cabin in BFE the middle of the woods for about 5 days? dont quote me.

August 2010 Everly (9.5 or 10 mo…foggy mom brain) we went camping with our wonderful friends, Jen and Drew. We went to Rhode Island and did some winery hopping in Ct. for a few days.

October 2010 Everly (just almost a year) we went to upstate New York (again!) this time to a hotel to accompany Jon for a work trip. Ev and I lasted 2 nights. Horrendous.

January 2011 Ev was 14ish months. We went to Colorado to visit my mom, step dad and then if that weren’t awesome enough, both my older brothers and their people (read: wife and kids) came too! ( a week)

April 2011 Ev was 18 months, we went to Arkansas for a wonderful visit with Jon’s mom and step father. A southern dream! (5 days-ish?)

May 2011, we just moved across country.

And this past week Ev, me, my sister in law, Kristy and my niece, Kaitlyn went up north to Payson, Az. for a girl’s getaway for about 4 days.

So, yeah. We’ve been places. with our kid.

Which is more than I can wrap my head around since the mere thought of packing up and going somewhere makes me start to sweat and twitch and majorly freak mah freak. Ya know what I mean?

SO. THE POINT. (you were wondering when that was gonna happen, right?)

I figured I would share a few of our tips. By no means have any or all of these trips been completely smooth, and by the end of them, I’ve been known to be in tears, so no, Im no expert. BUT! I can tell you that they have ALL, A-L-L, surpassed my expectations because, well, thats how things usually happen.

First things first: My Bag O’ Tricks. Or Things We Dont Travel Without.

1. A fan. What? Yeah, our girl has always been in a room with a fan. White noise, people. Read up. Its magical stuff. Whether we brought a small battery operated one, or our trusty Honeywell one (that thing has been literally around the world from Jon’s military days.) we pack it. Suitcase? No problem. It goes with us.

2. Pack n Play. We aren’t co-sleepers because my kid likes to PAR-TAY when we bring her in bed with us (remember that Co. trip I mentioned? Yeah.  She was up 7 STRAIGHT HOURS IN OUR BED.) (IM STILL ANGRY ABOUT IT.) ..ahem.

3. All her normal night time routine “things”. Same blankets, arsenal of binkies, soft baby doll and book, and night time stories that we use at home. This has been my latest trick. We also stick to doing everything like we would at home. Snuggle like we would for story time, books in the same order etc. It has made the seemingly strange surroundings more normal and eases her into bedtime.

4. Squeezable baby food. Whether its the ones we find at Target or just the plain squeeze applesauce, its a sure fire helper for tough moments on a plane or in a car. Also? easy clean up.

5. Laptop and favorite show.

6. A new small toy for plane rides saved JUST for the plane ride. Helps fight the “uhh, we ran out of things to make her happy” moments and she has something to focus on.

7. STICKERS. I cant tell you how many times a shiny new sheet of stickers has saved my sanity on plane rides. BUT! they are my final draw. When I know we still have a ridiculous amount of time in the air, or she just wants OUT and is whining and crying so loud that even the nice grandma sitting next to us is starting to look uneasy and the kid wants OUT OF HER SEAT but we’re about to land and we cant get out and SOMEONE PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR OF THE PLANE OR GET ME A SHOT OF TEQUILA? …Stickers. You’re welcome.

Thats about it! I mean, besides the obvious things like snacks, sippys, toys, books etc. those are my handy tools.

We’ve had some nightmarish trips with our girl, but we’ve all made it out somewhat alive. They have gotten smoother as she gets older and we plan to keep going places with her and any other kiddos that may arise. CALM DOWN. Not right now. Just looking in my photos, I realized just how much we’ve done in the past 20 months, and that makes me happy. Like, seriously. Because when I tell you that traveling with a kid makes me anxious, I mean that in the most serious way. So to look back on the good times that have been captured and phase out all the roughness that went with traveling is saying a lot.

In my opinion, Go! DO! Take the kids, expect the absolute worst, and that your kid will be the one screaming the entire 6+ hour plane ride and then when they dont? You’re already ahead of the game.

Things are good here on Arizona soil. Jon’s job is going well, he is much happier in general. Our days are long and our girl is growing fast. Just this morning, I decided it was time for her first haircut. Sister had some insanity in the hair department. Once I turned Deigo on the laptop, propping it on the back of the toilet and sitting her down, I sprayed her sweet golden curls with apple scented water and began to brush them out. She had about seven different lengths goin’ on, and it was time to snip. I  winced for a minute, watching tiny threads of her hair fall to the ground. After perfecting the ends, tucking the sides behind her pink ears and glorifying her new do, I gathered the small pile of curls into my palm and put them in a marked baggie. First hair cut 6/10/11.

Everyone will always tell new parents hold onto these moments! they dont last forever! and each milestone she hits, I cant help but hear those familiar words ringing in my ear. First steps, first teeth, first haircut. She is molding into her own self and I get the chance to watch her everyday. How awesome is that? This greatness comes with the purest of frustrations and its share of tears, but they are always buried under the amount of happiness she brings. She is so so wonderful.

Yesterday we sat on the back patio. Sun shining into her brand new kiddy pool as she splashed her orange boat in the water. I marveled at the moment, taking mental pictures of all that was to offer; tube of sunblock already half empty, sipping ice water from a souvenir cup, chipped pedicure and tan lines on my feet, happy toddler glistening in the light, desert mountains as far as I could see. Perfection.

What is your summer offering you?

my beautiful crab apple tree, full of life on a spring afternoon.

Let’s see, how do I start this?

I remember the day we finally crossed the border after four very long days of traveling across the country. Jon, me, and our three pets smashed into the cab of a huge moving truck, my legs longing to be stretched on what I would call my new home state. My heart thumped in my chest, holding tight to the sadness I felt from leaving Arizona, but eagerly awaiting this new chapter of our life.

Before I knew it, Jon started his new job and we were living in a tiny apartment in my dad’s house. That same year, we got the itch to look for our own house and soon, we were painting walls colors of guacamole, mermaid’s tails and romantic deep red. We had a home.

We kept warm our first winter, by cheering on the snow and having our first white Christmas. Soon enough, we learned we were having a baby. I remember the day we were scheduled for our gender ultrasound, I stood proudly in front of our home rubbing my round belly, wondering who was inside. Jon snapped a picture before we were off to the doctors. One of my favorite memories. 

What seemed like both one second and an eternity, I was climbing those very stairs, sore from giving birth and welcoming our new baby to her home. A rainy fall day, leaves pressed on the sidewalk, it was no longer me and Jon…it was me, Jon and Everly.

The same colorful walls seemed to close in on me as I tried to maintain a normal life with a newborn. Seasons changed, snow fell as fast as my tears when I realized just how much I hated winter. New England’s weather made this desert born girl obviously miserable and I yearned for the sun to warm my skin. When spring and summer rolled around, we were outside in the fresh air.

You gave us tulips and daffodils, bunnies and squirrels. We made some of the best friends we could ever ask for and for that? I am forever grateful. My daughter did most of her “firsts” there, and you will always hold those memories. I miss my family dearly, and I ask that you keep them safe and happy. Ok? Ok.

I will miss the feeling of thick green grass between my toes, seeing my neighbors over the fence, my Japanese red maple tree and also my plum tree. I will miss looking out the window to see if my husband is home from work and getting butterflies in my stomach as I hear him climb our front porch steps, I will miss the mornings of sun pouring into my dining room and steam rising from my coffee…one thing that helped keep me warm. I love you, Connecticut. You will always hold such a special place in my heart.

Love,

Katherine

a view from my uncle’s patio.

I slid my body deeper into the warm water, trying to take deep breaths. You’re home. You’re home. You’re home.

The house was still, which is a rare thing, living with 4 adults and a baby–and I chose to take the moment of knowing my girl was fast asleep and I had nothing to do, to take a bath. Something I had not done in quite a while, seeing as our tub in Connecticut was porcelain and the minute hot water poured in, it became luke…and then cold.

I tried to relax my brain, telling myself to hold onto this feeling–this feeling of content in my heart. My body was in Arizona, my husband was on his way and we are finally here for good. Many mornings I would wake up in my Connecticut home, looking out the five small windows at the usual grey morning, and squeeze my eyes so hard, wishing I could be back where my soul was. This was a good move for Jon’s career, the place where you became a mother, your very first house. But no matter how many times I chanted in my head, it never filled the very empty cup that yearned to be filled with smells of the desert and bright mornings.

So imagine, if you’d like, the excitement I felt when Everly and I landed in Phoenix. Jon’s brother greeted us in the terminal and I asked him several times, “Adam, are we REALLY here? Like, I don’t have to go back? I LIVE HERE??” He chuckled at his crazy sister in law and reminded me that, Yes. Yes, you are home. Everly gripped to “Ayoom” ‘s hand and my heart burst knowing that this wasn’t just a visit.

The first few days were hectic between seeing family and getting my little girl acclimated to the very different time change. Three hours may as well be 24 in the eyes of a stubborn toddler, but after a few rough nights, and one very long one, her tiny internal clock grabbed hold of the time and has clung ever since.

We’ve spent evenings with family and visited with friends, unpacked boxes and looked each other in the eye saying “Im so happy we’re home.” I told Jon and Lauren (my best friend) that the sad bug that dwells inside me has yet to be fed with thoughts of regret, or anger–which is interesting since he was fed daily in Connecticut. My soul lives in these mountains, it is lifted with the sun in the morning, and on the perfect warm night, it is settled in safe and sound.

Connecticut was in fact, a perfect move for us at the time. Jon had a great job, got training and his degree there, but we always knew it wasn’t a permanent placement. There were several failed attempts at coming back, many “thank you for your interest, but…” emails, and even more tears shed in the realization that it may not happen. But with one door slammed, another opens and we happened to stumble upon it. I may have knocked it down myself, otherwise.

We’re moving!

Which would explain the large leave of absence I’ve been taking. Our family of three is busy packing and panicking making to do lists before we make our permanent move to our wonderful Arizona.

This is something we’ve wanted for so long, although Connecticut has been a huge step in the right direction, its time to really plant our roots where our hearts are. Arizona. Family, friends, sun, tradition…its right where we belong.

So excuse us for a while, we are going crazy busy busy busy.

Dear Everly,

One and a half. My sweet girl, you are growing faster than my mind and heart can keep up but every day more loved is poured in and I am blown away with how much I adore you.

How can I write exactly what is going through my mind? Lets start here:

You have the most fantastic personality. For instance; “miss you” is a common phrase in our house. Long before your arrival, daddy and I would speak these words over letters, emails and phone calls when we were far distances from one another. Day after day of waiting to be in each others arms, be it deployment, move or what have you, we always said the same thing; miss you. These days, we often catch ourselves saying it when we are merely a few inches from each other. Just a small “ism” we have. You have caught on, my love.

luh you! minn you! comes out of your sweet pink mouth and we melt every. single. time.

Your intelligence is mind blowing. You love to identify colors on everything you see. Walking in the mall, you stop to point out a “bwu” floor tile or a “yah-yow” sticker. Its painfully adorable. Its also so crazy to just hear you talk…not too long ago you were sleeping on our chests and now here you are asking for “more nummy oop” (more yummy soup) and wiping your face.

You have no fear. Early one morning while visiting your Nanny in Arkansas, you and I snuck outside to enjoy some early morning sunshine. We were exploring her yard when I spotted a caterpillar. I quickly called for you to come see it, pointing out what it was; “its a caterpillar! like the one from our story!” before finishing my sentence, you were grabbing for it. Your small hand looking enormous next to that pudgy brown creature as you tried to pluck it from the ground. Lately, we’ve been outside (weather permitting) and any chance I see to show you a worm or a “mer”, you are quick to check it out. It makes my skin crawl to see you want to touch the wiggling little guy, but I can’t pass my reservations to you, only let you explore all the world has to offer. (within limits, my dear!)

You love the anticipation of hearing Daddy come home. Stopping everything you’re doing to hear me tell you “I think someone’s home for you!” the slight thump of our red front door as he opens it, the look on your face when you see him. Priceless. You are a Mama’s girl in every way but you love your Daddy infinitely. You are loved infinitely.

I cant imagine life without you. Often, I ask your Daddy “What did we used to do at 7pm every night?” He usually shrugs his shoulders. You have made everything complete. You are so stinkin’ awesome, Everly. Thats basically what I’m saying. 18 months have gone by since I first laid eyes on you and it has been the wildest ride so far.

I want you to always remember to be strong, be who you are because you ROCK, don’t say yes when you really mean no, be kind to those around you, and listen to your heart. It knows what it’s doing.

You are the the breath to my life.

I love you every day.

Love,

Mama