An Ode to Women.

Posted on | August 17, 2011 | 2 Comments

Last night, I had a few moments alone in the early evening. Everly was fast asleep, Jon was watching TV with his dad, and I found myself laying in bed listening to the quiet hum of the fan. I figured I could catch up on some of my favorite blogs, or perhaps read a chapter or two of my most recent library book, or maybe, I could call it a day and fall asleep early.

I chose to do some blog reading. Doing so led me here.

If you followed that link, you would find a heart felt post about a woman on a mission to being the friend she would like to be. If not, I certainly suggest you do. And bring a tissue.

It had me thinking.

It had me thinking of the many many women in my life and how truly grateful I am to have each and every one of them. I picked out favorite memories from my mental box, recapturing how I felt with each one, and wanted to immediately get on the phone and express my love. I held back. Not because I am ashamed, or because I would be embarrassed, I would certainly choke up and flush the mere second I made the first call, but more because I wanted to share my feelings with more than just those women. I wanted to share them with you.

There is something about having a daughter that puts woman/woman relationships into perspective. Ladies, we can be very very brutal to one another. This comes from experience. I have been brutal. I have said words out of my mouth that if heard, would literally slice open one’s skin and burn to the very core. I am not proud. I am absolutely positive the same has been done to me from other women…and that hurts.

This morning I took Everly to the library, a usual Wednesday morning date. I scooped up a book from the new arrival cart and we hurried to the kids section where Everly busied herself with a puzzle. I sat down on the green chair, watching the Arizona sun pour in through the giant window and took in the moment.  When I looked up to check on my girl, she was at the car table, mesmerized by the sweet, older girl there. I watched them interact, the girl asking Ev if she wanted to play. The zealous mom inside of me wanted to jump up and narrate the whole scene for Ev, but I just sat back and watched what would happen if I didn’t. “Come over to this table! We can play with the cars here!” the girl squealed. Everly’s face lit up as she followed her. “Bring a car with you!” But Everly just stood there. Do I get up and get her one? No. Be cool, she’s got this.  And she totally did. “Here, I’ll get you one. Hold on!” The girl quickly ran over and was back at Ev’s side in no time, blue truck in hand. “Tank you” said Ev. I died. Then and there. 

I began reading again, listening every so often so Everly and her new friend and was instantly drawn to how sweet and caring this girl was. I had seen her mother over at the computers and heard her give a warning of 5 minutes before they were leaving. The kid inside of me frowned a bit, I was so happy to see someone being so kind to my girl, I wanted them to play for a long time. Before her mother said anything else, I watched her pack her bags up, grab her younger daughter and stand up. I immediately got up and went to her. “Hi, Im Katherine. I just wanted to tell you that you have a very sweet daughter and she was very kind to mine. Its so nice to see when kids can get along. She seems like a very good kid.”

She glowed. Radiated with pride. Just like she should.

“Thank you! How old is your little one?” We continued with small talk, I learned that Everly’s new friend is 4 and a half. The little baby in the car seat was 8 months. I felt the need to tell her and praise her daughter because, well, I don’t think any of us do that enough. Too often we are judging others from across the room, or even more often from our own computer screens. Facebook, blogs, Twitter–all outlets for our terrible and judgmental ways. There needs to be more praise. More “thank you”s, more love.

Here’s the part where I start a revelation from my keyboard.

Just kidding.

On any given day, you could ask me how many friends I have and you would be returned with a small number. While I have many people in my life, all of whom I love, I have a handful of friends that have made a large impact on me. But since I am a woman, I have the primal need to feel loved and accepted by other women. I love finding a true connection to another woman and sharing moments together. I’m sort of the “insta-friend” type, where I just know who to hold onto and who to let go. Not in a mean way, but the people I love most are the ones that have seen the vulnerable side of me. Who have heard my cries, seen me on my darkest days, and who have picked me up, and carried me through. For these women, I am eternally grateful. But there are few things in life that feel as good as finding someone you can totally relate to, to trust, to confide in, to share laughter with…it’s frickin’ radical. (hey, outdated slang. I love you and your ability to wrap up just what I want to express.)

Almost daily, I have regular conversations, granted they are mostly texts, that get me through my day. Exchanging snarky, sarcastic jokes and pictures. Today, for example, I checked out a copy of “NOW Thats What I Call The 1990s” (be jealous. seriously.) and immediately snapped a pic and sent it over to 2 of my ladies whom I know would appreciate it. (Hello, you two gorgeous girls.) I got virtual high fives within seconds and and instant smile across my face. At the same time I was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for Everly. Life is often glamourous, I’ll tell you. But in the midst of my daily routine, having quick messages between my friends really and truly makes my day. I am far away from several of them, finding myself wishing for some face time, but knowing that they are there when I need them makes my life more meaningful. I am doing my best to be a good friend to them, to really listen when I am spoken to, and to love them entirely, exactly how they are.

You know what else is great? When friends come to you in their darkest days. Nothing says “I love you” more than trusting someone with your own hard times. When I get a call from someone who is crying, who wants to find comfort in me and my words, that right there, is a true friend. When they don’t hold back, when they say exactly how they are feeling and together, we cry and agree that life can totally kick our asses somedays. Because it’s true. If we were meant to face it alone, we wouldn’t be surrounded by people. We are meant to find ourselves in other people. We are supposed to see flecks of each other, in each other. And I love finding myself in other woman. (thats what she said.) (you’re welcome.)

Back to the whole “There is something about having a daughter that puts woman/woman relationships into perspective” thing.

I have seen the damages of bullying. I have seen cases in my family, I know what it’s like to be bullied, to be laughed at, to have fingers pointed. I know what it is like to point a finger and laugh.

I know that my mom raised me better than to do so. That my grandmothers have instilled in me their wisdom on being kind. How my aunts have talked to me like a grown up when I was a teen, and told me how to treat people. How all the women in my life have taught me better. Even today, I retreat back to their words and I try my best to be a better woman so that my daughter can see me try, fail, and try again. To model what I want to see her do someday. To inspire her to be a good woman. 

She does, in fact, deserve the world.

I want to make a little shout out to the women in my life. To my mama, to my women relatives, to my friends of many years. To the new friendships that are budding, to the ones whom I am building from damaged ground, to the mothers everywhere, and the ones who will be someday. You will find you may need friends more than ever when you become a mother. There is nothing like shaking your soul to the core and having someone say “I know exactly what you are feeling”.

I love you all.

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  Twenty something year old wife to a handsome husband of many years, stay at home mom to a sassy little girl, sarcastic, burrito loving, over texting, tattooed woman who loves her family, friends and a glass of wine. Welcome.

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